Most people make a Will to simplify things for their loved ones when the time comes.

Many of our clients understand from personal experience how difficult it can be to divide everything fairly (and legally) without a Will. Most of us want to avoid disputes and quarrels in our family once we’ve gone. A Will is the perfect way to share your wishes with the people you care about most.

The simplest way to avoid any disagreements is to have a frank conversation. 

Sitting down with your family and discussing what you want to happen when you die can help your family members understand why you have made certain decisions.

It may be a challenging conversation to have. Many people find talking about dying painful and upsetting. We all know that despite the taboos, the inevitable will happen to us one day. It pays to make plans. So here are a few handy tips to make it easier to talk about your wishes and to make the conversation as conflict-free and easy as possible.

Preparing for Talking to Your Family

Making a Will is not about giving people what they think they deserve or want - it’s your personal expression. A legal letter of love to your family. It should describe what you want to happen to your money and possessions when you pass away.

A Will needs to be clear, accurate and legally valid. The wording must not be ambiguous, and you might want to include a trust because you think 18 is too young for anyone to inherit money. Even the most straightforward wishes are best expressed with help from a legal professional.

Before you start writing your Will, you should list all the people and organisations that are important to you. Perhaps you want to continue supporting a charity that’s close to your heart; you’ll want to make sure your life partner has what they need; taking care of a family member who has an illness or disability could be critical to your plans; or you might want to use your savings to help with the education of your grandchildren.

Work out Your Wishes

One of the best places to start is to list what you want to happen to your assets when you die. Your list can be as general or detailed as you like. You don’t have to include gifts of small sentimental items for individuals, but you can. Read our blog about writing a letter of wishes - this is the simplest and most flexible way to deal with non-valuable items. Just ensure you have covered any significant assets like property and savings.

Make a few notes describing your feelings and intentions before your conversation with your family. Better still, consult a professional and ask for guidance and a draft Will. If you anticipate any disagreement or misunderstanding, everything will go more smoothly if you are ready to answer their questions. Explain that your thoughts are clear and your mind is made up. We’re all free to leave what we have to the people we choose, even if the beneficiaries disagree with your thought process or the result.

Only you can write your Will. Ultimately, what your Will says is your decision and nobody else’s.

Set up talking time

Contact each member of your family who might expect to receive something in your Will. Ask them to come and meet with you so you can discuss your plans with them.

The Conversation

Begin the discussion by explaining what you want to achieve with your Will, setting out the priorities you laid out when you started writing it. Taking the focus away from the money and putting it on what you want to achieve with your Will can help to avoid conflict.

Once you have outlined your general plan, you can open the discussion to the family so that they can suggest specific minor changes. This could include naming objects that have sentimental value to different family members. Your family may have some good ideas about how to help look after family and friends.

Ensure your family understands that your Will can be updated at any time to recognise any changes, but for now, this is what you have decided.

Family is a beautiful thing, but when it comes to your Will, family politics and pressures can make things a little tricky – especially if family members feel like they have missed out on what they consider to be their inheritance.

Having a conversation before you write your Will is often a good idea. Creating one document where you’ve weighed up their expectations is much easier than continually updating and signing a new Will.

Make your Will

Once you have spoken to all your family members, you should know what they each expect. You may find that more than one person wants the same thing, but obviously, both can’t have it. You can also see if any of your family expect to inherit more than their fair share of your estate. It’s not unusual for a child living nearby to expect to be compensated financially for the extra care and support they’ve provided. 

With notes on what your family expects from your estate and the wishes you initially outlined, you can create your Will. With the knowledge you’ve gained from your conversations, you’ll be ready to decide whether family members' requests should be granted. Whatever decisions you make in your Will, note why you chose to do this (not in the Will itself), as those notes will be handy for the next step.

Discuss It

With your Will written, make two or three copies and call all your family together. Give them copies of the Will and let them read it. Explain your decisions. Once you have finished explaining, gather up the copies of the Will and then listen to any suggestions your family may have. 

Make it clear that this is not a time for people to tell you what they want from you. This is your chance to explain the decisions that you have made.

Explain that your Will may change as life changes occur, too.

It’s rare, but not unheard of, for people to use their Wills as a weapon to encourage certain types of behaviour from their family. Don’t fall into this trap. Promising an inheritance verbally can be legally binding (promissory estoppel) if the person you promised relies on that promise. In farming families, the older generation may promise one of the children that they will inherit the land because they work it, only to find their non-working siblings also inherit a share in the Will and want to sell up!

Commentaries and explanations

Many modern legal professionals will provide a commentary or summary of your Will’s contents. It’s often helpful to give this to your family, too.

At Carisma Wills, we explain each clause and any critical legal aspects, such as the reason for a trust. Often, a commentary document also gives lay executors guidance about their role and the need to act promptly. If the legal firm you’re considering using doesn’t offer a commentary service, you might want to look elsewhere.

Amendments

After the meeting with your family, review your plans and ask the legal practice drafting your Will to advise you if you want to make changes. Destroy any old copies and securely store the signed and witnessed Will.

Don’t be tempted to store your Will with your personal papers or in a box under your bed.

A lost Will is the same as no Will.

Even the impression of a paperclip can invalidate a Will and create delays at probate.

Our blog ‘Where should I store my Will?’ explains your options for secure storage.